Even When You Try, Keeping Teenagers from Having Sex in Your Home Can be Complicated

http://mybrownbaby.com/2012/02/even-when-you-try-keeping-teenagers-from-having-sex-in-your-home-can-be-complicated/

By NICK CHILES

Should you allow your teenager to have sex in your house? This was a question posed by Clutch and like many, if not most, parents, my initial answer was a loud and resounding, “Aw, hell nah!” It’s about respect, about honoring the rules and the sanctity of the home, and, especially if you have younger, impressionable siblings lurking in the house, it’s about setting the right example.

But having actually brought a male child through those rough teen years, I know that the actual answer, like most things, is a bit more complicated. As anybody out there who has ever been in the presence of a teen knows all too well, teenagers are some sneaky little so-and-sos. You try to the best of your ability to set boundaries, to lay down rules, to monitor their behavior, but the average teenager envisions your rules as the obstacles set down by the enemy. That means the rules actually establish exactly the things the teenager wants to do as much as possible. If my parent says this behavior is bad, then that’s precisely what I want to do with my evening. If my parent says this behavior is okay, then it must not be bad enough.

Postponing Motherhood: Is It Possible To Build A Family and A Career?

http://mybrownbaby.com/2012/01/postponing-motherhood-is-it-possible-to-build-a-family-and-a-career/

By Denene Millner

I was 27 when I married the man with whom I created two children—at the height of my career as a political reporter-turned-journalist and just as my first book made its way to store shelves. Two years into our marriage, we decided to have children. Each of them was made from love. Wanted. Mari arrived when I was almost 31—Lila three years later, almost to the day. I can honestly say that by the time my second daughter arrived, I was exhausted—working an exacting job as a magazine editor, traveling from state-to-state promoting my published books, writing more books in the middle of the night—later, dealing with the grief of losing my mother and a massive move South and the bold journey to becoming a full-time author and freelance writer. In other words, I built my career while I built my family—something the women from my generation were wont to do. But I saw a shift in the sisters coming right behind me—women who put career-building ahead of family-building, and suggested that I was “rushing” into having kids when I should have been nurturing my burgeoning career as a journalist and author. They wanted love and babies, but not at the expense of the jobs they’d studied for and worked so hard to get. They understood the stakes. Took the chances. And some of them are just fine with their decisions. But some of them, now in their late 30s and 40s, are not.

We Have to Protect Our Children from Stress

http://mybrownbaby.com/2012/01/we-have-to-protect-our-children-from-stress/

BY NICK CHILES

In these incredibly difficult times, we can easily find our families dealing with stressors that perhaps we didn’t have to confront a few years ago. Financial problems can bring a whole lot of other troubles along with them—marriage and relationship conflicts, family tensions, divorce, abuse, addiction. But the director of the Yale Stress Center advises that we need to try to protect our children from stress as much as possible because they will become more likely to carry it into adulthood.

Love Of My Life: A Black Mom Celebrates The Wonder of Motherhood

http://mybrownbaby.com/2011/11/love-of-my-life-a-black-mom-celebrates-the-wonder-of-motherhood/

By TOKEYA C. GRAHAM

I have been a mother for almost half of my life. I had my first child when I was still a child myself. At 19 years old, two years out of high school and four years into what I thought was true love, I became a mama for the first time. As I pushed my 12 weeks-premature, 2 lb., 8 oz. baby into the world, I knew I would forever be changed. And I was right; unknowingly, I stepped naturally into the role that was tailor-made for me.

{Ask the Adoptive Mom} 8 Ways To Afford Adopting A Child

http://mybrownbaby.com/2011/11/ask-the-adoptive-mom-8-ways-to-afford-adopting-a-child/

November is National Adoption Month and to advocate for and celebrate a family for every child, MyBrownBaby contributor Rachel Garlinghouse, adoptive mom of two brown babies, will be answering adoption questions. Have a question about adoption? Email Rachel at whitebrownsugar [at] hotmail [dot] com.

By RACHEL GARLINGHOUSE

If you’re thinking about private adoption, be clear: it’s pricey. Domestic adoptions generally cost between $15,000 and $30,000 per adoption, and international adoptions cost even more. Add in legal counsel, paying birth parent expenses, and travel costs, and adopting a child can really take its financial toll.

Adopting a child is expensive because adoption is an industry; there are staff members to pay, court costs, expensive price tags for background checks, travel expenses and much more.  Still,  you can make adoption affordable. Consider the following to cut costs and raise capital for one of the most rewarding, enriching choices any one person can me—becoming a parent through adoption:

Ice Cream Promises: A Son Yearns For True Love From & Connection With His Father

http://mybrownbaby.com/2011/11/effects-of-absentee-fathers-on-boys/

Editor’s Note: Moved by last week’s post about Jay-Z’s decision to delay becoming a father until he was ready to deal with his father’s absenteeism, my longtime friend, artist Rod Perez, shared this piece he wrote to his own absentee father, with whom he’s since re-connected. I’m honored to share it here on MyBrownBaby.

By ROD PEREZ

Dad, I’ve grown up to be a good man. I want you to see that. I want you to see that the boy you left behind is fine. The boy you’ve made “ice cream promises” to is fine.

I was hip to your game, you know—how you would show up just enough times to squelch your guilt. I’ve known for a long time now, Dad. You claimed to have missed me, but all I know is that you missed my birthdays. The creative mind of innocence made excuses for why you never came when you said you would. I actually believed them, too. The hearts of children. Belief is pure. But soon enough, it finds out the truth.

{On the Parenting Post} Young, Gifted & Black

http://mybrownbaby.com/2011/09/raising-african-american-children-who-value-education/

This week, as part of a blog-a-thon hosted by Parenting.com’s Mom Congress, I wrote an open letter to my daughters about what their father and I plan to do this year to help them succeed in school. Here’s a snippet of what I wrote:

Please understand, the southern caste system that kept Gamma Bettye and Papa Jimy from getting the educations all children deserve made them value education like no other; they came from a generation of African Americans born and reared in the South—where black babies were relegated, by law, to substandard schools and books and jobs and neighborhoods and services. And so the first chance they could, they high-tailed themselves up North, first for jobs, second to find each other, and third to give their children the opportunities they were denied when they were little. But for your grandparents, there was no time for PTA meetings and school bake sales, no know-how when it came to writing essays or figuring out tough algebra problems, no advocacy with teachers. Maybe they felt like they couldn’t handle it. Perhaps it was what parents like them did in their time—trust that teachers are professionals capable of doing their jobs without parents getting in the middle of it all.

{On the Parenting Post} Happy Labor Day To the Hardest Laborers Of Them All: Moms

http://mybrownbaby.com/2011/09/on-the-parenting-post-happy-labor-day-to-the-hardest-laborers-of-them-all-moms/

I’m almost certain I walked into the hospital backward, bent over and pointing at my spine when I went into labor with my Lila, groaning, moaning and maybe yelling a little bit about how the only person I wanted to speak to was the anesthesiologist. He, after all, was the one with the needle filled with the magic juice—the stuff that would at least temporarily put an end to the wrenching pain that was squeezing every ounce of lifeblood out of my baby-filled gut. ‘Nuff respect to the mothers who, for whatever reason, go the natural route and bear the excruciating pain that comes with pushing a big-headed human being out of their loins. When it comes to childbirth, some mothers are heroic like that.

I ain’t one of them.

Though my labor with my first daughter, Mari, was rather reasonable considering she was my first birth—two hours and twenty-one minutes of labor, including 20 minutes of pushing, and she was getting her nose cleared and her booty smacked—I remembered every… little… teeny… weeny… second… of… searing… throbbing… push… pull… stretch… and tug… that came with getting that child out of me. And that was with an epidural. I did not want a repeat of any of that business, no ma’am. So with Lila, I asked quick, fast and in a hurry for drugs. Lots of them.

Perfectly Mixed: How A Baby’s Eyes Reminded One Mother To Love Her Own

http://mybrownbaby.com/2011/08/perfectly-mixed-how-a-babys-eyes-reminded-one-mother-to-love-her-own/

I imagined what our child would look like years before my daughter was born. The whole idea was a mystery, but more so than most couples I believe, because he’s white and I’m black. Not only were we curious about eye color and if she’d have hair, we wondered what shade she may be. It didn’t matter of course, but it was something I pondered.

When I deliberated over what our daughter would look like, I secretly hoped she would have my eye shape and my husband’s eye color. He has very wide, stunning blue eyes. They were the first thing I noticed when I saw him, and still one of my favorite physical qualities of his.

Why White People Adopt Black Children

http://mybrownbaby.com/2011/08/transracial-families-why-white-people-adopt-black-children/

By RACHEL GARLINGHOUSE

African Americans have every reason to be suspicious of white people adopting black babies. From slavery to unethical medical experimentation to Jim Crow laws and more, history demonstrates that white people haven’t always been very kind to people of color, to say the least. As an English teacher, I read many books, and I can recall the numerous titles that talked about whites using slave children as entertainment at dinner parties while the children’s black parents looked on, powerless to stop the disgusting circus, knowing that at any moment, their kids could be sold to the highest bidder, stripped forever from their biological parents.

Baby Love: Are You Ready For Another Child Or Is the Shop Closed?

http://mybrownbaby.com/2011/08/deciding-when-or-whether-to-have-another-baby/

My blog homie Britni Danielle, who holds it down lovely over at Clutch (my online Bible for all things young, black, smart and feminine), has been putting in work at BabyCenter, where she blogs about motherhood. I’m so very proud of her work there (and super happy that someone thought to add a mom of color to the massive blogging line-up that, until Britni joined, included only one non-white mom—my homegirl Kimberly Allers Seals of MochaManual.com). Occasionally, Britni gives me a heads up on her writings, and yesterday, she hit me up on Twitter with this:

The comments are heating up. What do you say? Ever feel pressured to have more kids?

She was referring to a piece she’d written on BabyCenter, in which she declared that her son would likely be an only child, not because she’s not physically capable of having a second baby, but because she doesn’t want to have one. In her post,“Ever Feel Pressured To Have More Kids,” Britni writes:

Growing up, I visualized a house full of kids. I’d picture myself whipping up meals, while my children made mud pies in the yard, or I’d think about corralling them into the minivan for a family road trip. When I pictured my ideal life all those years ago, I never thought I’d be the mother of an only child.

Dear Daddy: New Documentary Tells the Story Of Fatherlessness Among Daughters

http://mybrownbaby.com/2011/08/dear-daddy-new-documentary-tells-the-story-of-fatherlessness-among-daughters/

By Denene Millner

It’s no secret that I stan for black fathers. My bias for the good ones runs deep: My dad is an incredible man who loves me with abandon, and my husband, Nick, absolutely adores his daughters. I’m surrounded by beautiful black men who take care of their children in every way—mentally, emotionally, financially, physically—and right here on this blog, I’ve made a point of highlighting fathers like author Derrick Barnes, writer Jamal Frederick and bloggers Eric Payne of Makes Me Wanna Holler and Lamar Tyler of Black And Married With Kids because I truly believe that we need to see them and follow them and study them and thank them for getting it right.

A White Mom Wonders Whether Her Brown Babies Will Be Black Enough

http://mybrownbaby.com/2011/08/a-white-mom-wonders-whether-her-brown-babies-will-be-black-enough/

By RACHEL GARLINGHOUSE

A few months ago, I found myself in a state of panic.

I am the proud mother of two baby girls, both of whom came into our family through domestic, transracial, open adoption.    My husband and I are white, our daughters are black.

{Bringing Up Boogie} Birthdays Are the Worst Days: Bassey Ikpi On Turning 35

http://mybrownbaby.com/2011/07/a-single-mom-takes-stock-of-turning-35/

By BASSEY IKPI

I love birthdays; mine especially. Every year for the last decade, I’ve thrown a party called a Basstravaganza! Yes, I am a Leo. Why do you ask? I feel like birthdays are the only holiday that everyone can celebrate regardless of religion or country or culture. You were born! Yay! (Unless you’re Jehovah’s Witness. Then *whispers* you were born. yay.) I’m always looking forward to my birthday and start talking about it at least a month in advance.

Adjusting to Life in Happy Valley

http://www.curlynikki.com/2011/07/adjusting-to-life-in-happy-valley.html

By Curly Nikki

Here I sit in State College, PA… life uprooted, internet-less, cable-less, and living in a house that I can only liken to a summer cottage. Why? Because like a vacation home, it’s old, dusty and dank, as if it’s been vacant for months on end… devoid of life, save for the bustling community of spiders that appear to be doing quite well for themselves. Everything is dingy and worn, paint peeling… vintage chic, I suppose?

A Message For Young Moms: You CAN “Make It Happen”

http://mybrownbaby.com/2011/07/make-it-happen-a-great-advice-book-for-young-moms/

By TARA PRINGLE JEFFERSON

Sleepy and still aching from my C-section, I took a quick walk to the mailbox to get some fresh air and actually remember what it was like to feel the sun on my face. Only a week since my daughter was born and I was already going stir-crazy in the house all day.

I pulled out an envelope I got from the hospital. Thinking nothing of it, I tore it open and found a bill for $27,000. That emergency C-section and seven-day hospital stay for both mother and baby was hella expensive, it turned out.

Should a Mother Be Jealous of Her Own Daughter?

http://nwso.net/2011/07/07/jealous-mother/

By Anslem Samuel

Dear NWSO,

I just recently turned seventeen and I’m always so ridiculously horny! It’s not even funny. I can even get off by listening to Robin Thicke’s “Sex Therapy.” I’m almost always thinking about sex and masturbate quite frequently. At school I imagine being taken advantage of by my male teachers and I mentally bang almost every good-looking person I see.

Could You Date Someone Poorer Than You?

http://nwso.net/2011/06/26/dating-someone-poor/

By Anslem Samuel

Dear NWSO,

I’ve been dating someone for about a year. He was really everything I was looking for in a significant other. He’s responsible, kind, open-minded, hard-working, creative, thoughtful… I could go on. Career wise he’s a mechanic, and I’m a college grad still finding my way in the recession. This has never been a problem for me because I’m happy with the person he is and have never thought less of him for not going to college.