Home > Editorial, Found on Another Site > Bitter B*tch Disorder: 5 Telltale Signs

Bitter B*tch Disorder: 5 Telltale Signs


 By Eva

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

– Widely misattributed to Plato and/or Philo of Alexandria, but you don’t know and I don’t know either because neither of us was there, dammit… Source: Wikipedia, assorted Instagram posts, fortune cookies and tea bag tags


woman in rollersLife can be hard. That’s just a fact.

And your outlook has a lot to do with just how hard it is. A positive mindset can help dig you out of a negative situation, not by magically fixing it, but just changing how you frame and view it. Everyone gets into a rut sometimes. The people that (loudly) choose to STAY there, though? Those people…male or female… are bitter bitches.

And they’re allll around us. Worse yet, are you one of them? It’s not too late to change that, buttercup. Recognize these 5 red flags? Distance yourself or fix it.

1. Constant case of the Me-Toos. What is a case of the Me-Toos? Person A names something they did/own/achieved that they consider wonderful. Person B responds with, “Oh, me tooooo!” and proceeds to make it seem like everyone in the neighborhood did/bought/achieved it too, but even better, so it’s nothing really, thereby extinguishing all glimmer of Person A’s momentary candle. ::side eye and gum pop:: Stop that. Even if you did this very same thing, let Person A have their story and their moment. Sometimes, it’s ok to shut the fuck UP  just listen and express enthusiasm for someone else. Blowing out someone else’s candle won’t actually make yours burn any brighter.

2. Social media stalk game proper. Her vacation makes you mad. Her hair makes you mad. She’s in love! That bitch. His watch HAS to be fake. You hate every damn thing they do…and yet you follow them/check in on them on Instagram and Twitter hateand have their Facebook page bookmarked for easy reference. Damned if you ever click ‘like’ though, right lurker? Now I understand checking out an ex’s new woman/man a time or two to laugh or your new woman/man’s ex also to laugh – we’ve all been unhealthily simply curious and done that. But I’m referring to people you see and smile at, but secretly want to be, whether you realize it or not. Listen…that is just pure envy and jealousy, plain and simple. Want her hair? Admit to yourself that you like it and take some notes or, better yet, fall in love with what’s on YOUR head. Think the diamonds on his watch are fake? Go get your own and get wrapped up in their sparkle instead of his. Can’t stand her fancy shoes? Baby, go get your own to stand in then, because mine hers are already filled, BooBoo.  And be careful not to accidentally double click as you scroll. ;-) Next!

3. Often belittles someone else’s work as “luck”. Now, this one I really hate. I’ve had it done to me more times than I can count by one particular friend. If you succeed, it was hard work with spectacularly plotted results. If I succeed, I got lucky? Nope. Not at all. While there is definitely a component of success that is luck-related (think right place at the right time stuff), most success can be attributed to hard work someone DID to get where they are. If a person shares news of a promotion or a dream that is being realized, and all you keep grasping is how lucky they are, you’ve missed the point. You can’t get anywhere on luck alone. But…I’m betting you already know this. DO THE WORK. ::sips tea with Kermit::

4. A general hatred of all happiness. Cat videos? Annoying. People in love? Annoying. Singing/dancing/breathing/eating/sexing in their general vicinity? SUPER. EFFING. ANNOYING. Bitter people love the word “annoying” too. But to truly be annoyed, you have to be personally affected by the offending thing. Ever notice how much of what’s “annoying” usually isn’t actually even affecting the annoyed party? Other people living their life outside of your own should not annoy you. Now, if their life intrudes somewhere on you living your life, that’s understandable. But then do something about it that changes the situation and removes you from the equation. I know. No fun then, right? Generally, problems are to be fixed, not admired and whined about…because you know what whining is? SUPER. EFFING. ANNOYING.

5. Resume bullet: “Choir Director of the You Can’t Chorus”. People who aren’t doing anything are quick to tell you woman with megaphone and laptopwhat you can’t do, aren’t they? If you mention a plan, they’re quick to tell you all the downsides to it. If you share an idea, they see all the ways it won’t work. Don’t get me wrong: a friend offers advice and does help you see a con to your pro if it exists. But if the same person always has a list of “downsides you didn’t think of” to meet your every single good idea, you should find someone else to share your dreams with. A friend is supposed to encourage and facilitate dreams, not stand beside every red balloon you inflate, sharp pin ready and in-hand.

None of this sounds pleasant to be around, does it? Now and then, everyone has been guilty of one of these things on a temporary basis. Ruts can be tough to shake! But when you or someone you know is a constant asshole like this offender or displays more than one of these habits at once, bitterness just might be the reason.

So make a promise to resign from the You Can’t Chorus, to unbookmark that non-friend’s Instagram page, or to listen with your mouth shut and your sharp pin safely stowed in an upright and locked position.

You’ll feel better for it. Besides, if you check your social media, the bitterness isn’t cute on you, BooBoo.


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